Available on: S.R. Entertainment

Some of UK funky’s biggest hits (‘Devil in a Blue Dress’, ‘What’s in your Handbag’) have survived treading water in the sea of cheese traditionally associated with funky house, but even if your lifeguard was Marcus Nasty himself you couldn’t save Dotstar’s debut single, released this week. Even if you can hack the Nigerian MC’s lyrics – ‘all the girls in the club want to hold me for ransom/’cause I’m young and I’m fly and they think that I’m handsome’ – Ill Blu’s production, a half-arsed UKF rip-off of Faithless’ ‘Insomnia’, is bad enough to kill the whole thing on its own merit.

That’s not to say you can’t completely rip off an old song, stick a silly vocal on top and make something great (see ‘Party Hard’). But ‘Stick Up’ isn’t even close – now let’s drown it face down in a glass of Blossom Hill and forget it ever happened.

Anna Russell